A year ago, I had a real depression. Everything that formed a core of my outlook was falling apart. I didn’t want to do anything, even making new art seemed a dull and worthless task. “What’s the point?” I asked myself, and the silence was an answer.
I’m telling you about that period because this week I was thinking about it a lot. I felt the necessity to recharge and refresh my list of reasons why I was doing all these things: creating art, writing, teaching and even – why do I even live.
I came to a conclusion that it is tough to be free and peaceful when you have some expectations and ambitions that may obscure your true values.
I was brought up with the idea that I should be perfect. “Nothing is worth doing it if you can’t be the number one just for the sake of being that good.” I felt like I should be working like hell, and then maybe someone would notice my efforts… So I would earn a chance to get a better life.
It is very difficult to live with such beliefs.
I changed my mindset through time, but sometimes the echoes are heard. Now I work because I believe in the power of self-growth, the beauty of creative labor when you make something that didn’t exist before.
I also love to share anything that is valuable with other people; although I have strongly pronounced introverted personality and many interactions with people and being outside my thoughts literally hurts me.
But, at the same time, I often consider the perspectives. I dream of big things, for example, becoming a person who changed the world for the better, just a little bit.
This is not a bad thing by itself, but it is easy to replace the concepts.
When you start a creative adventure with a sincere desire to tell something that is valuable for you, inspire and help others because you are so full of this joy and personal integrity, it is clearly visible. Such people have a peculiar charm.
In cases like this, you create something because you love it and because you have an idea to share with the world. You associate with people because there is something valuable to tell, and you are eager to know them better, too.
You take responsibility for your passion and do your best to nurture it.
But when you start with just an idea of greatness and expectations, it is so simple to start with adjusting.
In no time you are taking a “difficult client” just because you are afraid that otherwise, you don’t have money (or having a client – any kind of client – makes you really cool)
Or you start with the idea that seems to become commercially popular or go viral, although you don’t feel it with your heart.
You just want to be rewarded for any action you take because you don’t feel this love and purpose inside you.
When you live on your ambitions, you can’t be entirely honest. And there are expectations; if you don’t get the result you hoped for, you feel stuck and miserable.
It is a commonly spread idea that you should invest first, pay much attention to networking, promoting your creative business and thinking over the ways of making money.
You don’t want to be hidden in the darkness and having no success in your career, right?
Of course, all these points (clients, community, press, fans, money, etc.) are necessary. But when that’s all a person is thinking about, chances are that the passion will fade under pressure of various “I must”, “everybody is doing it”, “I have to compromise”, “I’m not good enough, so I have to change the way I feel and interact with the world”.
By denying the value of your inner core, you start feeling flawed. And soon you’ll try to find any kind of appreciation outside: in the number of likes and shares or in the money you made.
But it still feels wrong, insecure, miserable, empty.
I completely relate to these emotions because most part of my life I was placing the “outcome” question before the “my uniqueness” thing.
Realizing that every goal I was chasing in my life is just fluff was overwhelming.
What is the point in having all possible success if one day you die, your life ends, and everything you can take with you is the amount of love and feeling of self-fulfillment you acquired during your lifetime?
That’s why it is so important to spend your days in happiness, joy, and peace of mind. And, of course, share your special and unique thing with the world.
Focusing the attention on the valuable ideas sets the mind free. Your attitude to life becomes much more accepting and realistic.
This concept was so difficult to reconcile with – in my case.
I don’t like touching on any political or economic topics, but the country where I live is probably one of the most unlucky places to be an artist or a creative entrepreneur. Many of the opportunities are closed, and it is not easy just to move somewhere if you don’t have support or special resources. (It seems that I said this publically for the first time)
Luckily, I have the Internet! 😀
It is totally understandable that there is no perfect place on the map, hard work is always needed, but when I hear complaints from people living in the advanced, developed countries, I literally want to beat my head against a wall.
How can I solve my problem?
I devoted many hours to this theme when I was drawing my projects and thinking. Have I found the answer?
I still don’t know how to fulfill some of my dreams that require the resources I don’t have or how to create a miracle that would help. Maybe I won’t realize them ever, and won’t fulfill my artistic potential.
Who does even know what will happen in a minute?
But I learned that a state of inner peace, trust, confidence and loving attitude starts from a person, not his or her circumstances.
Sometimes you get lemons in life, but there are no excuses why you can’t even try to make the lemonade from them.
The point is in becoming better as a person. Stronger, more sensible, attentive and grateful. Understand that there is a reason for everything in this life, and you can’t have full control.
Sometimes you just have to be patient and transform your precious gift into a real value, without high expectations or questions like “Who will applause me for it?”.
It all starts with honesty and your fundamental idea, why are doing this thing and why it is important for you. If this is so valuable for you, it may become valuable for others; just don’t try to make them love and appreciate you because you’ve made such a sacrifice.
No one needs your sacrifice, and nobody likes victims.
You never know what may turn out from your years of work. But this happens only if you make something valuable and sincere, and not because YOU are that important.
We all are just vessels with creative ability and wisdom hidden deep inside. Parts of something bigger that strives for the balance.
Thank you for reading 🙂 I wish you all a great, thoughtful weekend, Friends!